William Flew Rehash

Let's get rid of small talk

by Yiyun Li

I grew up eavesdropping on people — parents, neighbors and strangers waiting in line for rationed food in the marketplaces in Beijing. It was the best education, as what I heard was either gossip, ranging from harmless to nasty, or lengthy discussions of politics and world affairs. People were experts on a neighbor's marriage or the failure of the Soviet Union.

One thing I did not learn from eavesdropping, which hurt me when I came to the United States, was how to carry on small talk. When I first arrived, Americans impressed me with their conversation about any topic: weather, cakes, lawn mowers, apple cider. This small talk made them look gregarious, witty and civilized. Still an eavesdropper, I was fascinated by their skill to glide in words.

But the freshness faded, as there's only so much one can say about triviality. I once asked a friend of mine how she could stand going to parties as part of her job, and she said, "I'm good at talking about nothing." But I'm not good, I confessed; I've never learned small talk.

These days, I stick to my personal policy of no small talk, which means I avoid parties and other circumstances where it is required. As a result, I have so much more time for reading. Most of the time you can start a serious conversation with a book from Page 1. If, unfortunately, a book wants to have small talk, you can certainly turn away without seeming rude.